“Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?”
I had to realize today that I am too young for a committed relationship but too old for the bullshit. Im not for the friends for benefits either. I got chronic emotions and might Chris Droner some shit if he play games. I started online dating on AfroRomance.com yesterday. A website for people with the jungle fever like I. I bet some of you guys reading this father probably messaged me. I forgot to change my age perference from 21 to 99 years old to 35. Now, I have nothing but old divorced white men writing me messages and the men my age sending virtual chocolates. Over 100 men have looked at my profile. Look I aint taking no booty pics just a headshot. At this rate a man might ask me for my hand in marriage by the end of the week. I dont think I can trust it the catfishing is to up there with the recession. It is funny as hellllll tho.
It’s really not good to take things personal. Especially, when your a recent grad living in your parents basement and finally realizing that your major doesn’t make no money. I mean its nearing 6 months and I havent understood why i am so underemployed. Also, understanding love and confidence. I really need to get to the bottom of this.
Like Right Now!
A week and a half ago a guy i just met asked me out! And I was ecstatic. A little older than me but…let me stop lieing he was 10 years older me. Chocolate, Tall, and Handsome, and not Gay! He graduated from Howard in Finance and had a job. I met him at his workplace and he wrote his cell number on the back of business card with so much swagger. He told me just to give him call which made me feel like the leading lady. Not like men who holler at you in the streets for your number. Ugh! A man who respected me with no make up on and no weave. I wanted him with a side of fries and diet cola.
I think I called him the next day. Called first and then texted instead of a voicemail didnt want to come off desperate. He texted back after a few minutes and called instantly as if he;s been waiting to hear from me. Our conversation lasted a hour nearing to maybe 2. I like my confidence i had with him I called him before he asked me out instead of worring about being “thirsty” for a guy which had left me lonely with many guys my way.
We went on a date to the movies. He picked me up in his rental and we drove all the way to Arlington. He said PG county was too hood Bwaahaaa. The conversation in the car was weird but hey i guess thats how it starts off. He took me by surprise it was thundering and by him wanting to see me no matter what made me bashful. He feel asleep during the movies but hey I loved “Silver Lining Playbook!’
As Things Start to Fall Apart…
The next day he texted and I felt undervalued. Celluar communication isnt my preference for dating becuase it makes me over think. And since then I havent heard from him that entire week. I called to check on him and he didnt call me back we texted and he didnt respond when I texted Goodnight with a Picture too!! Which blew me off! My emotions were taking over and my patience and understanding felt neglected as my emotions felt threatened.
So i texted a few days later and instead of texting “hello” I texted “Did you die?”
He laughed but i was so pissed on the other end of the phone. Texting just makes me errupt when Im dating. When it comes to cellphones: i dont talk on the phone at nite (im at my most vulnerable) and I hate texting (its very bothersome). I can only stomach actual phone conversations for a period of time. if the communication is consumed more with telephone calls it makes me turn green HULK style. Anyway, the poor guy wouldn’t have know that. I really wanted him to just do what I want!!!
haaa and come to my graduation party so bitches be in awe. But life doesn’t work that way. Anywho, by him knowing i was interested turned him off. i couldnt keep a poker face. Anywho his lost.
As much as I thought I was grown but yet im still working out the corks with low self esteem. im still working on my own love life of myself. He can go fine by me.
Its time to think of me…
I been reaching on how to work through this but only i know what makes me happy. So i must continue to try to push myself to be me. My happiness isnt in fancy clothes or men. I am only happy in my own skin and my only way to keep myself whole is to EXPERIENCE. Dare myself to experience life that is unknown to me and trying something new. Also, helping others get thru just as i am. Most importantly being true to me and with people who love and truely care for me. If i tried something new or different each week. i can’t imagine where I would be.
Back to celebrating me!
I am not sure if you match me
This is collectively all the points I’ve been trying to make for ages. I am a female with a degree that falls into “social sciences” because they lied and gave me huge lists of all the “careers” that degree could help me get that employers would like. I am now an admin assistant, JUST like it says. Because it was either this, or the Navy, that was all I really ended up “qualifying” for. And I DO have over 20k to pay back that WILL take me over 10 years and delay me in things like a house and/or kids because I make less than all of my male coworkers after paying the same amount of money for the same damn overpriced degree. I don’t want my future child to have to grow up and go through this system as it is now. It’s such a waste.
sad. so sad. makes me want to drop out and I’m already on the verge as is…
College sucks lol. Yet youre much worse off if u dont go.
Money and Love don’t chase me. I love them both very dearly. They treat me like a second class felon. Won’t hire me or let me vote. Am I running in circles or on a path. I am learning still learning them. Which one is more important. I most love my heart more then my money and love my money. Where will i go? i constantly feel the need for a new environment for my art. I can find where to start so i dont know where to finish. Still confused and I can’t copy off of no ones paper to get the answers.
I need to date, be in a relationship, and marry myself first.